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PLANET OF THE APES 2001
20th Century Fox
RATINGS: Argentina: 13 / UK: 12 / USA: PG-13 |
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Normally I insist on good science in my science fiction and raise holy hell when
they don’t provide it. There have, however, been a few movies where the
science absolutely sucked but I liked it anyway. Okay, actually there
are only two: Star Wars and the original PLANET
OF THE APES (Given everything from oak trees
to English-speaking Chimpanzees, Heston should have known where he was
long before Lady Liberty came around the corner).
Having made an exception for the original I was prepared to cut a similar amount of
slack for the re-make (excuse me, the “re-imagining”).
Is that enough to make this a good movie?
PLANET OF THE APES (2001) was directed by Tim Burton (BEETLEJUICE, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, BATMAN,
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, ED WOOD, MARS ATTACKS!, SLEEPY
HOLLOW) and written by William Broyles, Jr. (ENTRAPMENT),
Lawrence Konner and Mark Rosenthal (co-writers of
MERCURY RISING, SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK).
The story opens on board a United States Air Force space station in the year 2029.
Standard issue “hot pilot who doesn't play by the rules” Leo Davidson
(Mark Wahlberg: FEAR) is training a chimpanzee
to pilot a very small space capsule. Training these genetically enhanced
smart chimps (I wonder where that subplot will lead?)
to be pilots seems to be the major activity of this station, much to the
chagrin of Leo. He wants to fly the thing himself, damn it! But his by-the-book
commanding officer won’t let him. Of course NASA hasn’t launched a chimp
into space for 30 years but we’ll set that aside.
The crew is studying a “space storm” near the station, which I assume is why the
station is there although that’s not made clear. The storm appears periodically
and the station commander orders the launch of a chimp-piloted capsule
to explore this magical plot device. When his chimp buddy is lost Leo
takes this opportunity to disobey a direct order and head out in his own
capsule to rescue his simian friend. The storm apparently sends him both
across the galaxy to another world and into the far future. He crashes
into a small lake deep in the jungle and barely survives.
THE
FUNNIEST SLAVER THIS SIDE OF APE CITY. |
Before he
has a chance to wring out his shirt he's caught up in a group of humans
fleeing through the jungle. These people are dressed in rags and animal
skins and are clearly terrified. They are being chased, of course, by
the ape military, led by General Thade (Tim Roth:
RESEVOIR DOGS, PULP FICTION) and his right hand ape Attar (Michael
Clarke Duncan: THE GREEN MILE).
Leo ends up in a cage on his way to becoming a slave in Ape City.
This all
happens very fast. There’s almost no dialogue and the cinematography will
leave you dizzy. The pace reminded me a lot of THE
MUMMY RETURNS. Now I like a minimum of exposition but c'mon! You have
no time to care about any of these characters. The result is they all
become mildly interesting caricatures with no depth at all.
BANANAS DO A BODY GOOD |
There are some memorable scenes and cool dialogue here and there. The best is Charleton
Heston’s cameo as . . . well, I won’t tell you the character’s name. Just
listen for that oh so distinctive voice delivering a very familiar line
from the original. Plus I have to give a nod to Paul Giamatti (SAVING
PRIVATE RYAN) as Limbo, the slave master. He plays the same well-read
weasel he played in The Negotiator and has all the funniest lines.
There's an “animal” rights sub-plot lead by Ari (Helena Bonham
Carter: FIGHT CLUB, FRANKENSTEIN [1994]), daughter of a senator
and determined that humans be treated as equals. There's also a story
element I must point out that was lacking in the original: it is a fact
that even the wimpiest chimpanzee is quite a bit stronger than an adult
human male. And a gorilla is many times stronger still. This is made clear
in many scenes where even a muscular man like the underused Karubi (Kris Kristofferson: BLADE, BLADE
II, ROLLOVER) tries his best to fight back but is helpless
against ape strength.
And my review wouldn’t be complete without a
!!!SCIENCE
MOMENT!!!:
I must admit that the science here is actually better than the original
in the sense that the explanation of why apes and humans live here and
why they speak English sort of fits (I won’t ruin
that surprise for you but whatever you think it is in the first few minutes
- you’re right). Of course all the space-travel related details
are as wrong as wrong can be. For example it’s popular in movies like
this to create an otherworldly feeling by putting multiple moons in the
sky. That’s fine as long as they move! Multiple moons means multiple orbits
with different periods which means if you look at the sky a few hours
later one moon may have moved a lot in the sky but the other may not have
moved much at all. If they stay in the same relative position all the
time it looks like the studio could only afford one matte painting. Still
in SCIENCE MOMENT mode, I also have to point out that gorillas,
chimpanzees and orangutans are separate species and would have no more
romantic interest in each other than they do now.
The final surprise ending is mildly cool (although it’s pretty
much taken right out of the original book by Pierre Boule) until
you think about it. That brings me to my recommendation for anyone who
wants to see this movie and enjoy it: don’t think. This is nowhere near
the intellectual sci-fi masterpiece of the original. It’s a big budget
check-your-brain-at-the door B movie. I give it two shriek girls.
This review copyright 2001 E.C.McMullen Jr.
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